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Clarify Your Approach
When I talk to people who don’t know about the conversation compass, they always say to me, "When I'm having a conversation, I go into that conversation with the intent to let people know what I need them to do next. All I get in return is either apathy or argument. What’s that about?"
Or "I always start the conversation by asking for people's opinions. I want to collaborate and innovate to find some shared solutions. But they just sit there and wait for me to tell them what to do. Do I always have to carry this team? Why can’t they think for themselves?”.
Several things are happening here for the leader and the team members that create this complex system of conversational behaviours. As we unravel the complexity, one thing must be at the front of our minds. Great conversations start with you.
What we miss when we don’t pay enough attention…
There is an 11 % chance that a person's first words on a topic are what they think, feel or believe. When we listen into the energy and pattern of what is said, we become privileged to gain a peek into the underlying engine room of thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Give full attention in a conversation. You will experience an unseen and often unheard conversation, like seeing into the infrared or ultraviolet spectrum of conversation—the energetic vibration of the very atoms that formulate what's being communicated
Why do we spend most of our time listening to fix?
When I reflect on the kinds of problems people bring to coaching conversations, they are often centred around the actions of another person. It is not uncommon to centre our challenges and issues around the actions of others. For example, it takes high levels of self-awareness for a person to pause and reflect on their contribution to the circumstances.
Interestingly, when we hear someone expressing frustration or difficulty with another person, we tend to offer advice.
It turns out—based on scientific research—that we literally only hear what we listen for. We pay special attention to what we expect to see, hear, feel, or taste.
Six Steps To Maintain Momentum
What I love about a coaching approach to conversations is that they are centred on the other person and inspire the expansion of thoughts, perceptions and ideas.
Coaching catalyses commitment because the coachee creates the change….. For the same reason you can't tickle yourself, your brain resists self-imposed testing of thoughts and reactions.
An ongoing conversation is needed to energise action and create sustainable change. While your coaching conversations will create amazing action plans, we are still working on one step of many when working towards a goal.
The 20/80 Rule For Setting Great Goals
Goals Don’t Generate Growth
Redefine Goals. Create Targets and Build Action Plans
I have always struggled with goals. Maybe it’s just me (probably not), or that I have an important memo about goals, but they have always felt lofty and untethered. So, I got curious. The definition of Goal - according to Dictionary.com is “A goal is an objective or target that someone is trying to reach or achieve.” - Yip, that’s my experience of a goal, and while useful, it fell apart at the action stage.
However, there is still something missing for me. […]
Phew! - you’ve made it…
As term two draws to a close on another term like no other, I wish you a wonderful restful break.
I invite you to take a moment to take a deep and restorative breath and access all that you have achieved over this last term. It might not be all that you hoped, and if that is the case, then it is even more important to celebrate the small wins you did have.
At the end of each term, I pause and take a moment to reflect on all that I have achieved across the term. I am always surprised about the things I have done that have gone forgotten or even unseen.
Walking the tight rope connecting strategy and relationship.
Our recent research found that more than 80% of people report the need to have someone to talk to who will listen, not advise, or solve their problems. Just listen and ask powerful questions.
Use of the skills of Coaching is the fastest way to help another person get out of the weeds and into clear air. To gain clarity to carve a path forward, thus having positive impacts on mental health, wellbeing and overall performance.
The ability to bring coaching skills and strategies to leadership is the number one way to build the relationship and create growth in the people around you who do the Mahi.
So, how do we serve the strategy while leaning into the relational?
Things that stop us from connecting
Have you ever been stuck ruminating on the same thoughts? Often caused by experiencing something that makes you feel shame, shocked, sad, frustrated, angry, worried, or annoyed? The emotions and corresponding thoughts just won't go away. You feel stuck churning over the same thoughts and emotions that hold your attention and you can't unhook yourself - even when you need to reset and refocus your attention elsewhere?
Your nervous system is telling you something, and you need to create some space in which to listen. The sympathetic nervous system and limbic system are activated, and you're in the action zone. You need to do something about it.
The Longest Term Ever!
Neurologically speaking, you have spent the last ten weeks in a heightened reactive (fight, flight) state - with an active sympathetic nervous system. It is time to take back the responsive space. It is time to move out of the reactive and back into the responsive. And that movement starts with you. With self-compassion and a heightening of your awareness of self. Being in the present moment rather than in the state of forecasting or ruminating.
This Easter break, I invite you to slow down. It is more important than ever before that you connect with what recharges you during this team break.