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Things that stop us from connecting
Have you ever been stuck ruminating on the same thoughts? Often caused by experiencing something that makes you feel shame, shocked, sad, frustrated, angry, worried, or annoyed? The emotions and corresponding thoughts just won't go away. You feel stuck churning over the same thoughts and emotions that hold your attention and you can't unhook yourself - even when you need to reset and refocus your attention elsewhere?
Your nervous system is telling you something, and you need to create some space in which to listen. The sympathetic nervous system and limbic system are activated, and you're in the action zone. You need to do something about it.
Practising Presence
Research indicates that in 80% of your conversations, your focus is not entirely on the conversation, and thus you are not fully present.
Attention and presence are directly correlated. Your attention determines what you perceive, learn and remember and how you interact with others, amongst other things. Attention can only be used in the moment, here and now and is partial to distraction.
We become distracted by all sorts of things. Distractions are the things that prevent us from being fully present in conversations, yet it is the one thing you can change that will transform your conversations.
Presence is a coaching intelligence core competency, and it begins with you and only you.
Coaching Intelligence Principle Three - Presence
PRESENCE: Staying in the moment with full and conscious awareness of self and others, paying attention to the present moment, on purpose, and without judgment.
It is about being completely tuned in to the words people choose and the surfacing emotions. It is being aware of and understanding what is personally being thought and felt at any given moment and being careful not to project those thoughts and feelings onto the client.
Presence leads to a genuine and authentic connection.