Partnership has always been my preferred mode of operation. As far back as I can remember, I have been at my happiest - and best - when I am sitting alongside others - helping, enabling and supporting others to excel and grow. In the leadership models, I come out strongly as operating in the servant leadership space, and my Gallup strengths place relator in the top five alongside connectedness, empathy, learner and strategic.

Yes, sir, a partnership is essential to me and my work; it is an absolute non-negotiable. That is why I am naturally drawn to coaching.

The way we present ourselves to others—what we do and how we act—plays an essential part in the strength of our relationships.

Partnership is about building relationships with others to feel safe showing emotions and describing how they think about their learning.

The ICF (International Coaching Federation) coaching competency indicators express partnering when describing coaching competency in the relationship between coach and client.

Partnering is very different to leading in a conversation. When you are a leader, and there is an organisational hierarchy sitting between you and the person you attempt to have a coaching conversation with, partnering can be challenging. However, it is possible.

Understanding the difference between partnering and leading is critical.

Both leading and partnering share by definition; to work as a team, connected and working together towards a shared goal. Each is fully engaged, participating together. However, there are subtle differences between the two.

Partnering with means to remove any element of control. Co-create the outcomes of the interaction. It has a 'done with' feel that catalyses curiosity for everyone.
Leading means to keep an element of control of the outcome of the interaction. It can have a 'done to' feel that creates more compliance than curiosity.

Sir John Whitmore, Founder and co-creator of the GROW model, said, "Any dictator can use the GROW model because GROW by itself is not coaching." It is also necessary to develop a coaching mindset and authentic coaching behaviours (including the intent to partner) to discover how powerful GROW can be. Most important is taking a "collaborative" approach rather than a "command and control" approach. I.e. partnering.

Partnership Creates Autonomy

When coaches embrace the principle of partnership, teachers make most, if not all, of the decisions about changes to their classrooms. The coach communicates in a way that acknowledges the professional discretion of others by positioning them as decision-makers.

There is freedom in the conversation that isn't possible when coaches try to control what teachers do. (Knight 2022). Deci and Ryan characterise the conclusions they've drawn from decades of research as social determination theory—namely, the idea that people feel motivated when they:

Are competent at what they do;
Have a large measure of control over their lives;
Are engaged in and experience positive relationships.

A report from the Institute of Educational Sciences (Malkus & Sparks, 2012) summarises research showing the importance of teacher autonomy: Research finds that teacher autonomy is positively associated with teachers' job satisfaction and retention (Guarino, Santibañez, and Daley 2006; Ingersoll and May 2012).

According to a raft of studies from SDT researchers, people-oriented toward autonomy and intrinsic motivation have higher self-esteem, better interpersonal relationships, and greater general well-being than those who are extrinsically motivated. (Pink 2009). Ultimately the coaching partnership depends on three nutrients: autonomy, mastery, and purpose. Growth and change become self-directed. It is devoted to becoming better and better at something that matters. And it connects that quest for excellence to a larger purpose.

**The Coaching IntelligenceTM definition of Partnership:**

***PARTNERSHIP***: The way of being in a relationship with another in a coaching conversation. It is a relationship built on equality between people when they feel valued, seen, and heard. Partners can give and receive without judgement and derive sustenance and stability from the relationship.
*Coaching reinforces respect and generates the trust and safety necessary for momentum and growth with partnership at its heart.*

Cultivate Connection

Skill Sets For Cultivate Connection

Practising Courage rather than pretending all is fine and choosing comfort over courage.
Staying curious rather than challenging and criticizing or showing indifference or disinterest.
Committing to mastery and practice rather than self-protecting with perfectionism. Perfectionism kills curiosity by telling us that we have to know everything or we risk looking “less than.”
Committing to growing embodied self-awareness rather than thinking and acting out emotions without feeling theirs.

A key element of connection is trust.

Trust is cultivated through empathy. It is only when we deliberately set aside our own biases (and, as humans, we all have them) that we can truly begin to understand a situation from another's worldview. When we empathise with another person, we can respond in ways that work for them instead of what our worldview thinks is right. It can be challenging – especially in high-pressure situations, but the rewards of responding with empathy are long and deep.

***Courage to Walk Together***

Skill Sets For **Courage to Walk Together**
*Expressing social and emotional intelligence* rather than shaping emotion and experience to what we know or shutting down.
*Committing to be outwardly focused* rather than expressing concern while trying to control or distance or defaulting to self-protecting and self-focusing.
*Practising empathy* rather than defaulting to sympathy or other empathy misses.
*Being relational* rather than being transactional or controlling or disengaging and disconnecting.
*Creating clarity of expectations* rather than creating distance when then unexpected happens.

Understanding Tikanga

Skill Sets For Understanding Tikanga

Committing to Culture rather than assuming you understand another person based on what you observe.
Desire to surface the invisible rather than leaving a person’s purpose unspoken.
Resonate with Respect rather than disconnecting and moving away from things that are different.

What we value drives our decisions

The coaching relationship sits in the realm of understanding why you do what you do. For those familiar with Edgar Schein's work in organisational culture, you will know what we mean here is culture. Culture is the engine room behind everything you do - consciously and unconsciously. A person's values and beliefs are at the core of any coaching partnership.

It takes deliberate inquiry actions to know a person's values and how those values show up for them. Interestingly, not everyone can name their values. However, we can thank the work of Brene Brown and her book, Dare to Lead, for people having a greater familiarity with personal values and behaviours.

**BUILDING CONNECTION & PARTNERSHIP THAT SUPPORTS DEEP REFLECTION**

This is an activity from the workbook that supports Conversations That Matter.

Download the resource here

Until next week

Be courageous and try something new.

You are doing great.

Tab

References

Deci, E. L., Koestner, R., & Ryan, R. M. (1999, November). A meta-analytic review of experiments examining the effects of extrinsic rewards on intrinsic motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 125(6), 627–668.

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2017). Self-determination theory: Basic psychological needs in motivation, development, and wellness. New York: Guilford Press.

Feltman. Charles. The Thin Book of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work (p. 16). Thin Book Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Guarino, C. M., Santibañez, L., & Daley, G. A. (2006). Teacher recruitment and retention: A review of the recent empirical literature. Review of Educational Research, 76(2), 173–208.

Knight. J. (2022). The Definitive Guide to Instructional Coaching. Seven factors for success. ASCD. Kindle Edition

Malkus, N., & Sparks, D. (2012). Public school teacher autonomy in the classroom across school years 2003–04, 2007–08, and 2011–12. Stats in Brief. NCES 2015-089. Washington, DC: National Center for Education Statistics.

Pink. D. (2009) Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. Canongate Books. Kindle Edition