Breaking Free from Busy
How to Stop Managing and Start Leading Your Life
So the news flash is I’ve finally started my next book.!!🤪❤️🤗🥳👀🌈🎯
This book is a result of my journey—a journey of self-discovery through the fog of self-doubt, the weight of comparison, and the courage it takes to live authentically. It’s for anyone who has been caught up in the cycle of “busy being busy,” waiting for the right opportunity or recognition to finally feel whole. In reality, what’s needed isn’t found outside of us; it’s the inner work of self-awareness, acceptance, compassion, and courage. Real growth and real success come not from others’ approval but from embracing all of who we are. This book is about moving from self-management—where we simply go through the motions—to true self-leadership, where we lead ourselves with purpose, integrity, and a sense of direction that comes from within. Whether guiding our families, making decisions at work, or striving for personal growth, each of us has the power to lead our lives and inspire those around us. True self-leadership isn’t about titles or positions; it’s about living a life aligned with our values, purpose, and a commitment to making a difference and is aligned with the work I do with clients as a high performance coach
Here’s a sneak peek into Chapter One, where I begin the journey from self-doubt to self-acceptance, unpacking the mindset shifts that changed my perspective on success forever. Its still in draft version and will probably change multiple times as I write the rest of the book.
📘Chapter One
For as long as I can remember, the narrative of comparison was normalised. I had been preconditioned to compare—to size myself up against others, measuring my worth by the achievements paraded across stages and classrooms. I learned young that if you weren't one of the top students, marching proudly to collect rewards, you began to question your relevance. Your importance. Your value.
Its human nature to compare. From a psychological perspective, the impulse to compare ourselves to others is deeply rooted in human nature. We often evaluate our own abilities, values, and self-worth in relation to others to understand ourselves better. It’s a tendency so ingrained in society that it starts early in life, when school systems, peer groups, and even family dynamics subtly teach us to measure ourselves against those around us.
My father passed away just two days after I was born, a loss that shaped my life in ways I’d only come to understand much later. My mother, with her quiet strength and devotion, made it her mission to keep his presence alive in my life. She went above and beyond to keep me connected to his family, ensuring I grew up surrounded by his memory. Through her, I was gifted stories, anecdotes, and small pieces of who he was. In those stories, he became more than a name or a photograph; he became someone I could imagine, someone I felt close to even though we’d never met. Those moments when someone who knew my father would look at me and say, “Your dad would be so proud of you”—they were like treasures. I lived for those words. Hearing them from people who had loved him felt like catching a rare glimpse of his approval, like his pride was somehow reaching across time to find me. Those words carried a weight that no everyday compliment could match. They gave me a sense of connection to him, a feeling of belonging, and a grounding in his legacy. In those moments, it felt as though he was still with me, as if I was honoring the part of him that lived on in me.
But alongside the beauty of that connection came a quiet pressure—an urge to live up to unspoken expectations, to somehow earn that pride I imagined he’d have for me. There was a constant, subtle drive to measure up, to be someone worthy of the father I never knew but deeply wanted to make proud.
Teachers would tell me that I had something special to contribute—a unique gift, a purpose, something valuable to offer the world. They spoke about the importance of each individual, about how we all matter in our own way. But how could I believe in that potential when my differences went unnoticed, uncelebrated, and often unacknowledged? If my strengths didn’t fit into the mould of what was praised or rewarded, it was hard not to feel invisible.
We’re all told that everyone has something important to give and that our individuality holds power and meaning. But without recognition, those words can start to feel empty. It’s one thing to be told we’re valuable; it’s another to see it reflected back to us. I began to wonder: if my unique qualities went unseen, did they even matter? That lack of acknowledgement can leave us feeling like we’re missing something essential, like our true worth is a question waiting for someone else’s answer.
For me, this impulse to compare began in school. There, my worth seemed tied to achievement—to walking across a stage, holding up a reward, and being recognised as one of the “top” students. The system reinforced a message that value came from success as if that external validation were the only way to prove my relevance. If my value - that value - wasn't celebrated, highlighted, or even acknowledged by those around me, then what did it mean? It was easy to feel invisible, to question my relevance and self-worth.
Yet, the truth is, every person brings something that they can only offer. Each of us holds the potential to shape the world in ways both big and small, ways that no one else can replicate. But that value needs nurturing; it needs to be seen by both others and, ultimately, by ourselves. It took me years to realise that worth doesn’t come from outside validation; it grows when we learn to see, accept, and embrace the strengths that make us who we are, even when no one else is watching.
One of my strengths - a superpower actually - is the ability to listen deeply to those around me. Empathy was my gift, my strength, the one thing that made sense to me. I could tune in to others' needs, pick up on the slightest shifts in tone, and understand unspoken emotions. Growing up with just my mother, who was a type 1 diabetic, I learned to read her cues, especially during her episodes of low blood sugar. I tuned in to her needs because that’s what I had to do. I focused on understanding others with the hope that I might somehow find a deeper level of self-acceptance in giving them what they needed.
I used to believe that was what emotional intelligence was. They ability to notice and understand emotions in others and respond accordingly. I now understand that is social intelligence.
For a lot of my life, I’ve just been “busy being busy” because, honestly, it was easier to keep my mind full than to face the tough stuff bubbling under the surface. I’d pack every moment with tasks, sweeping all those unresolved feelings and issues under the rug. People would say, “I don’t know how you get so much done!”—but if I’m being real, staying busy was my way of avoiding what I knew I needed to face. I was always onto the next thing, pushing forward but never looking inward.
Eventually, I realised that constantly focusing outward on everyone else and keeping myself busy meant I was avoiding my own needs. Emotional intelligence, I’ve learned, isn’t just about understanding others’ emotions; it’s about being able to understand our own feelings, to read the signals our bodies give us and what they’re trying to tell us about our lives. That wasn’t me. I could tune into others, but my own thoughts and feelings? Buried. Partly because I wasn’t even sure what they were, and partly because when I did try to share, I felt dismissed. Focusing on others felt safer.
For years, I was guided by other people’s expectations—what they thought I should be or what they needed from me. I didn’t have a clear direction or purpose of my own. I got good at bottling things up, avoiding conflict, sweeping my needs under the rug, and pretending I had it all sorted. But deep down, I was just barely getting by, reacting to life rather than really living it.
What I needed was to start focusing inward. I’d spent so long staying “busy being busy,” meeting others’ needs, that I hadn’t dealt with my own. Eventually, I realised what I was missing was self-acceptance. I’d been running from myself, building up doubts and limiting beliefs instead of embracing who I truly was. No matter how many skills I learned or qualifications I earned, what I really needed was self-discovery, self-awareness, and self-acceptance. For me, that was the key; for others, it might be something else they’ve hidden away, avoiding their real selves.
When I finally started this journey of self-discovery—listening to my needs, accepting and amplifying my true self—it felt like a weight was lifting. I started to see parts of myself I’d been too scared to look at, and I realised they weren’t weaknesses; they were strengths. This shift allowed me to step away from the exhausting cycle of “self-management” and into what I now see as “self-leadership.”
It wasn’t until I started my oen business and started reading up on psychology and self-awareness that I saw how much I’d been avoiding. All those “clouds on the horizon” were my own experiences and feelings, ignored for way too long. Eventually, I hit a point where I couldn’t keep running; I had to face those clouds, uncomfortable as it was. And it changed everything. I didn’t need to keep my mind and schedule full as a form of protection anymore because the inner work had started.
Now, I get that self-leadership isn’t about managing tasks or keeping up appearances; it’s about having the courage to work through what’s beneath the surface. It’s easy to get stuck in “self-management” mode, just checking things off the list to stay busy and keep ourselves from thinking too deeply. But when I finally slowed down and allowed myself to hit pause, that’s when I could actually look at the bigger picture and start growing in ways I hadn’t before. It’s about finding that space to reflect, rather than filling every second to avoid what’s difficult. And the incredible thing is, once you turn and face those things you’ve been running from, you realize how much lighter you can feel and how much more fully you can step into who you really are.
This book results from that journey—a journey of self discovery, through shame, self-doubt, and the courage and resilience it takes to show up authentically and full you. It’s for anyone who’s spent too long in that state of busy being busy, hoping someone else would offer up opportunities that would allow them to finally feel they way they want to feel.
What is really required to be and do the things you were meant to do is self awareness, acceptance, compassion and courage. Because real growth, real success, doesn’t come from what others think—it comes from embracing all of who you are, every flaw, every strength, and stepping fully into that. No more hiding, no more shrinking. Just showing up as your true self, ready to live a life that’s not just successful but genuinely fulfilling. Doing that happens when we move from self management and into self leadership. By self-leadership, I mean the role we each take on to guide ourselves with purpose and integrity, stepping into it at various points in our lives. Every day, in both small and significant ways, we lead through our actions, our choices, and the values we uphold. Self-leadership goes deeper than the influence we have on others; it’s about guiding ourselves with a sense of personal direction, purpose, and motivation. It’s about aligning our actions with a vision that matters, staying true to our values, and making choices that move us toward our goals. Whether we’re guiding our families, influencing friends, or making decisions at work, each of us has the power to shape our own lives and inspire those around us. True leadership isn’t about a label or a position—it’s woven into the way we live, supporting others, striving for personal growth, and committing to make a positive difference in the world around us.
When we find ourselves stuck in the cycle of being endlessly busy, the ripple effects can be profound, both personally and professionally. What once fueled our motivation and drive fades, leaving us feeling stagnant, unfulfilled, and disconnected from our true purpose. The comfort zone, while seemingly productive, can become a trap—leading to frustration, resentment, and burnout. Over time, the reluctance to pause and address what’s holding us back limits our growth, increases self-doubt, and heightens the fear of facing future challenges. This stagnation strains relationships, blocks meaningful progress, and leaves a lingering sense of regret. Taking a step back to address what keeps us stuck is essential for unlocking new opportunities, rekindling passion, and ensuring we don’t look back wondering, “What if?”
The cost of staying stuck? It’s significant and affects far more than just our career.
Unfulfilled potential: You know you're capable of more, but a constant busyness keeps you from accessing it.
Constant frustration: You feel like you're spinning in circles. You know there’s another level waiting, but every time you get close, you retreat to familiar routines.
Increased fatigue: You’re exhausted from doing so much yet moving so little toward what truly matters.
Diminished joy: Even when you accomplish tasks, the constant pressure to keep up overshadows any sense of fulfillment.
You feel like you’re living with a constant, nagging sense that you’re capable of so much more, yet something unseen holds you back. It's like being stuck in a waiting room for a life you know you could be living, filled with restlessness and frustration. You see glimpses of what you could achieve, but a mix of self-doubt, hesitation, or the inertia of busyness keeps you from moving forward. And even when you do accomplish something, the satisfaction is fleeting—drowned out by the looming pressure of what’s next on the endless to-do list. Instead of celebrating progress, the weight of future tasks overshadows the moment, making each victory feel hollow. You feel the tension between wanting more and dreading what the pursuit of that ‘more’ might demand from you.
Then comes the frustration. You feel stuck in a loop, constantly sensing your potential just out of reach but never quite stepping into it. Instead of making bold moves, you’re treading water, exhausted from battling an invisible resistance. Fatigue sets in—deep, emotional exhaustion. It’s not just the tiredness of a long day; it’s the weariness that comes from running in place, battling yourself every step of the way.
Even your small wins feel hollow. Instead of celebrating, you’re already bracing for the next task. The joy of progress is fleeting, quickly replaced by the anxiety of what’s still undone. And then it hits you: you’re holding yourself back, keeping yourself busy to avoid facing what truly matters.
Over the long term you start to experience the following patterns.
Do any of these ring true?
You know you're capable of more, but something keeps holding you back.
You’re exhausted from battling an invisible fear that steals the joy from your accomplishments.
Even when you succeed, the pressure of maintaining that success overshadows the victory.
You’re staying in your comfort zone, and there’s so much potential you’re leaving untapped.
You’re not growing, and that hesitation makes you question whether you’re truly capable of more.
You feel like you're stuck in a loop. You know there's another level waiting for you, but every time you get close, you hesitate.
You’re feeling disconnected from the goals and values that once motivated you.
You’re frustrated watching others move forward while you feel stuck.
You’re avoiding risks, and now, taking a leap feels even harder than it did before.
These challenges highlight how staying in the comfort zone can prevent us from achieving our full potential and lead to long-term dissatisfaction.
For organisations the challenge is similar. Perhaps as a leader:
You stick to what you know, steering clear of bold ideas or fresh directions because they feel too uncertain.
You’ve noticed that your team’s engagement and energy seem lower than before, but you’re not sure why or where to start addressing it.
You find yourself hesitating to adopt new initiatives or adapt to market changes because tackling something unfamiliar feels overwhelming.
Your team is experiencing high turnover, and while you tell yourself they’re leaving for better opportunities, there’s a part of you that wonders if that’s the whole story. Digging into this feels risky.
You’re holding back from mentoring or empowering your team because stepping into a stronger leadership role feels like too big a leap right now.
You want to see your staff perform at their best, but you’re not sure where to start making that shift.
You prefer the comfort of stability, keeping things steady, yet you sense it’s contributing to a culture that feels stagnant.
You avoid leading large projects or high-visibility collaborations because the exposure and responsibility feel overwhelming.
By the time you finish this book, you’ll not only understand why you’ve been stuck in the cycle of endless busyness, but you’ll also have the tools to break free from it. You’ll be ready to stop holding yourself back, to stop playing it safe, and finally step into the success you know you’re capable of—without fear weighing you down. It’s time to embrace the “more” that’s been waiting for you.
In Part I, we’ll begin by unpacking the struggle—where it comes from, why it has such a powerful hold on us, and how it silently shapes our choices. We’ll explore the allure of staying comfortable and dig into the psychological and societal factors that fuel this fear, from family expectations to the comfort of familiarity. I’ll share more personal stories and real-life examples that show how this fear plays out in subtle yet significant ways.
In Part II, we’ll shift our focus to conquering the struggle and taking back control over the thoughts and emotions that keep us stuck. This section is about pushing past the barriers of shame, self-doubt, and hesitation by recognizing and challenging the patterns that hold us back. First, we’ll Recognize and Reflect by learning to notice and label our shame triggers—those moments that cause us to feel small, unworthy, or undeserving. Then, we’ll Reveal the Roots by identifying the sources and beliefs behind those feelings, unearthing where they came from and how they’ve shaped our self-perception.
Next, we’ll explore how to Respond with Compassion by practicing kindness toward ourselves, learning to accept our imperfections, and letting go of the harsh inner critic. From there, we’ll move to Reach Out for Connection, a vital step in breaking free of isolation, as we share our experiences with trusted people who can offer empathy and understanding. Finally, we’ll Reframe and Rise by challenging old beliefs, shifting our perspective, and building the courage to redefine what success, worth, and belonging mean to us. Through these strategies and high-performance habits, you’ll gain the tools to break free from the fear-driven cycle of deflection and hesitation and begin to rise as a stronger, more authentic version of yourself.
Finally, in Part III, we’ll look at what it means to live without limits. We’ll dive into developing a resilient mindset, rewriting your success story, and embracing success with confidence and fulfillment, so you can step into the life and success you’re meant for—without fear standing in your way.
